Porn is full of dirty talk. But in real life, not everyone likes it. So check if your partner likes it before you start talking dirty during sex.
Love and Sex Info
When Nakshatra goes out for a coffee with his mother, they’re both on the look-out for cute men. “Do you fancy that guy?” she’ll say.
Things haven’t always been this way. Growing up in a village, he became aware of his feelings aged 16. A year later, after a move to Mumbai, he told his parents he was gay. His mum said she wished he was dead.
Growing up, I had an ever-evolving list of role models, perennially topped by Ajooba, as portrayed by Amitabh Bachchan in the eponymous film.
Of course I wanted to fight the baddies, control an iron monster and replace my mum with a dolphin. And I’m sure I wasn’t the first boy to pick up his ideas of masculinity and manliness from cinema-born personas.
Which makes the strangely Neolithic behaviour perpetrated by the majority of male Indian movie stars disturbing. Or maybe the absurdity of their onscreen personas makes them human and relatable for the adoring male audience. Their stupidity justifies our own mistakes – or do they bring out the worst in us?
Till a few years back, Aamir Khan's most aped persona was the roadside Romeo made famous in Rangeela/Ghulam. Munna was not only relatable and loveable but also easy to copy. His ‘Khandala invitation’ must have been abused at least a hundred and eighteen million times (raising my guilty hand too). That was then, now Aamir has fortified his position as an acceptable filmi role model for the Indian youth.
But the bulk of Bollywood propagates strangely dark-hued men. There is an über-macho male identity that initially terrorises but eventually wins the fare damsel’s hand (sometimes heart too). And somewhere along the line, makes a lot of money, annihilates the enemies and loves his mother. An adventure the boy on the street completely buys and then attempts to emulate.
Heroes: boorish and regressive
That’s not good news. Doesn't the crazy stalking by Ranbir Kapur in Rockstar almost validate rampant sexual harassment in colleges? Especially because the hot, rich girl finally falls in love with her stalker. And I can name a hundred such films that normalise extremely violent seduction techniques.
Amitabh Bachchan in Ajooba
Am I the only one who finds almost every Emraan Hashmi character to be extremely boorish and regressive? Maybe I hang out too much with a liberal South Delhi crowd, but I don't feel the need to assert control to feel masculine. And the most dominant attribute of cinematic masculinity has been the distinct lack of emotion. No, lust doesn't count.
Though the modern Hindi hero can now dance and at times even dress well, even the most romantic heroes still remain impossible characters. Even though the strong, burly men have made way for delicate-featured boys, there is even more emphasis on physical prowess.
Then there is the desexualisation of the Indian man. Why can’t they do a shiela ki jawani as well and assert themselves as sexual beings. There is a lot of heartbreak, but where is the insecurity and the jealousy?
For me, even more infuriating is the implicit misogyny suffered by most female characters. And all this isn't limited to Hindi cinema. From what I've glimpsed, regional satraps outdo the Mumbai brigade.
Human heroes please
I can go on ranting on this, but you get the drift.
I am a realist, and sometimes an irritated viewer. But above all that, I am good old cinema lover too. I like mindless violence, curvy girls shaking all they've got, and catty Punjabi aunties. But shouldn't we demand that our heroes become a bit more human? Yes, I am waiting for Samir Khan, the legitimate... uh... Guy Next Door son of Salman and Aamir.
By Kuber Sharma
Photo: Kuber Sharma, © Love Matters/RNW
The views expressed in our blogs don’t necessarily represent those of Love Matters.
Do you think men copy the behaviour of movie heroes? Leave a comment here or join the discussion on Facebook.
How to get in touch