It’s possible to stay in touch or even maintain a friendship after a break-up, but make sure you’re both clear how much contact you want.
Love and Sex Info
“I’ve never felt so guilty in my life,” says Anmol. He’s been with his girlfriend for two years but lately he’s found himself fantasising about her best friend.
“I don’t want to mess up my relationship over something like this but I really don't know how to get her friend out of my mind,” says Anmol. “I’m turned on every time I’m around her.”
Ever kissed your girl in public? Feels good, doesn't it? Though maybe what really got your adrenalin going was the taboo around it.
It's not easy being in a relationship in India – apart from marriage, that is. Yes, more men than ever before have girlfriends (as well as boyfriends) and live-ins are sort of common. But as a society we don't make young couples’ lives easy.
As a nation, we don't believe in public displays of affection. Holding hands gets regularly frowned upon, so doing anything more potent can’t be good. Funny, isn’t it? Since we produce more children than any other country in the world, I have a feeling that a lot of Indians are interested in sex.
Yet we remain one of the world’s most prudish nations. And the proudest of our prudishness too. Even funnier.
But how the horny have fallen. In the name of moral policing and political correctness, we have created an artificially controlled society that is – dare I say it – ready to explode. And I have no way of proving it, but I think this forced value system erupts into the violence we see all around us.
In Delhi the girls and couples live in terror of the dark. Lack of safe spaces, transport and sufficient law enforcement to keep the gangs of perverted men away presents a rather early Cinderella hour for women, who run home with the dusk, making going out alone at night pretty much a fairy tale! All the damsels are hiding inside the houses for fear of being eaten by wolves while the knights look for dark corners, to make out in peace.
I have to agree that this allows men without bachelor pads to pick up interesting life skills. I have an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of empty housing complexes and maintain a mental list of every disabled washroom in south Delhi. And it makes for exciting positions and glamorous injuries.
But getting back to my original rant, let me present a slightly radical thought. Don't you think our society would be happier and safer if young people had actual spaces where they could be themselves? No, I am not asking for f*** parks, but maybe parking lots where cops are not allowed.
Some angry 'activists' might argue such spaces would be a hotbed of violence, but I have faith in basic goodness and self-policing. We tend to protect what we hold dear. And for those worried about their daughters, let me assure you, things would be safer than most places she’s going boom-boom right now. Way too many gang rapes take place when women go to particularly shady spots with their supposed boyfriends.
Now, I’d still steer clear of suggesting public orgies should be the order of the day. But maybe if we let off the steam, people would behave more responsibly and we might actually expect adults to be mature! Because it’s time we brought sex out of the closet (and the disabled washroom) and talked about it, without connecting it with ideas of control or violence.
So my dear activists, policy makers and media, get off your moral high ground, throw away the porn-loaded phones and make our society safer. Thanking you in advance.
By Kuber Sharma
Photo: Kuber Sharma, © LoveMatters.info/RNW
The views expressed in our blogs don’t necessarily represent those of Love Matters. This blog edition was first published in March 2012.
How do you cope with finding privacy for your relationship? Leave a comment here or join the discussion on Facebook.
How to get in touch