Boobs. Even in my late teens I had trouble saying this word. Not anymore. Boobs. There I said it again. Boobs. Boobs. Boobs.

Some men claim to be confused by them. The rest are obsessed by them. Rather strange situation. Because outside porn films, I haven’t encountered women who care much about any portion of our anatomy. (Trust me, she’s lying.)

I’m sure you’ve heard this many times before: all the good guys are either taken or gay.

Yes, take me for example. The good news is that in reality there are plenty of straight guys still out in the wild. But these days, they’re aspiring to be gay. As if straights weren’t reeling under enough performance pressure, now we’re facing competition from gays who are making us look really, really bad.

So your best friend has been behaving a bit strangely of late? Have you noticed loss of appetite, insomnia, laziness and introverted tendencies? Maybe he’s suffering from VHS.

Virtual Heartbreak Syndrome. It’s the new epidemic taking over young Indian men. And like the video tapes of the eighties, VHS is excessive and exploding out of control.

Drop the letter ‘o’ from the word ‘bold’ and replace it with the letter ‘a’. Yes, bald is the new bold.

As the combined intelligence of our planet increases, general wisdom is pointing away from what were traditionally good looks. Confused? Let me tell you a small story and then you will get my point.

Ever kissed your girl in public? Feels good, doesn't it? Though maybe what really got your adrenalin going was the taboo around it.

It's not easy being in a relationship in India – apart from marriage, that is. Yes, more men than ever before have girlfriends (as well as boyfriends) and live-ins are sort of common. But as a society we don't make young couples’ lives easy.

They haven’t found a single man behind any successful woman and they’re yet to figure out the way to a woman’s heart via her stomach.

Let’s blame women for this one as well. Maybe not – it’s time we realized the evolution of gender roles is truly unfinished. And it’s very interesting to note the stage at which this evolution abruptly got stalled.

Who says women can’t handle one night stands?

What’s good for the gander is good for the goose they say. And I cannot agree more. When women can do everything that men can, what is the big deal with ‘one night stands’? But apparently there is. I’m no expert (unfortunately) but it usually works for any two people who are looking for something casual.

First times are usually exciting and exhilarating. I cherish my memories of the first time I had mt favorite dessert and the first time I saw Sachin Tendulkar bat. Hell, I even remember the first time I heard Daler Mehndi.

Sadly I can’t say that about the first time I had sex. Actually, is losing one’s virginity particularly fun for anybody?

My single friends claim that they have one up on me because they are always ready to mingle. No restrictions, no limits and all the fun.

But is the happy bachelor just another mirage created by the all-powerful marketers who want men to remain single and consume their beer, cologne and ridiculously skimpy men thongs?

I am coming out of the closet. I’m a wanker and proud of it.

I discovered the pleasure of masturbation completely by accident. 'Amazement', 'exhilaration' and 'freedom' are some the words I still associate with that very special day. And in my innocence I was quick to wonder why the process is shrouded in such notoriety.