If a person of your own sex is gay, it doesn’t automatically mean he or she is attracted to you. After all, you don’t fancy everyone of the opposite sex, do you?
Love and Sex Info
When Nakshatra goes out for a coffee with his mother, they’re both on the look-out for cute men. “Do you fancy that guy?” she’ll say.
Things haven’t always been this way. Growing up in a village, he became aware of his feelings aged 16. A year later, after a move to Mumbai, he told his parents he was gay. His mum said she wished he was dead.
“My guy and I had to find safe spots to have sex. There was no privacy at home so we had to venture outside,” Priya says.
Like many Indian couples, Priya and her boyfriend made love in parks and other deserted spots because both lived with their parents in Mumbai and didn’t have their own rooms at home. “What else could we have done,” she asks.
Q: Auntyji, I love my wife very much and find her very attractive, but she doesn’t respond when I try to arouse her.
We’ve been married for just over a year. She uses excuses to put off having sex and when we do, she doesn’t seem to enjoy it, though she’s never said so outright. What can I do to bring her round?
Sex is important, and we all know it. But how important is it? “It can make or mar your relationship,” a friend of mine said to me.
She seemed perfectly convinced by her thoughts and she had good reason. “I am now in a relationship with someone with zero sexual compatibility. It’s difficult so I’ve decided I can’t go on like this,” she said.
Nervousness, anxiety and stress. This may be part of your first time sex experience. But it doesn’t have to be, says Dr Syed Mubin Akhtar.
Don’t rush into sex on your wedding night – wait a day. Look up information on first time sex beforehand. And talk about having sex before you do it. Love Matters asked the Pakistani sexpert for his top tips.
“I was 22 the first time I had sex. I had been going out with Irfan for almost a year,” says Anjeli.
“He recited a poem for me before class over a breakfast of tea and biscuits. And just like that we became a couple.” Part three in our First Times series.
“No matter where you are on the attractiveness scale, there’s always someone out there who finds you attractive,” says Danish researcher Gert Martin Hald.
He stumbled upon this finding in a study on how people respond when strangers chat them up. Hald told Love Matters about his surprising unpublished discoveries at the World Congress for Sexual Health.
“Hi there! Would you go to bed with me tonight?”
A guy who tries this chat-up line on a girl is heading for a big brush-off. Yet reverse the roles, and the guy will probably seize the opportunity (as well as the girl) with both hands. Sounds obvious? Danish researchers set up a ‘sexual invitations’ experiment to test the theory.
Where do you go to get private with your partner? It could win you a dinner for two!
Kuber raised a storm in his blog last week with a call for a public space where people can get private. If people have to hide in dark alleys to get intimate, he fears things can get dangerous. The subject clearly touched a nerve. So we’re launching a photo contest to find out more.
Q: I often read and hear people talk about a ‘healthy’ sexual relationship – but what exactly is ‘healthy’?
I mean I think I enjoy sex with my partner but I still think about sex with other women and also fantasise. Does that mean I’m not having a fulfilling and healthy sex life? Dibakar, Indore
I’m told sex outside the bedroom is exciting. Have any of you tried it? If not, you should – at least that’s what a friend of mine thinks.
“Sex is great anyhow. But once you’ve been a relationship long enough, it gets monotonous, so you need to spice things up a bit. And getting out of the bedroom can be a start,” a friend told me.
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