If you have a minor argument with your partner, try not to involve other people like friends or family. Their interference might create a bigger problem.
Love and Sex Info
“I’ve never felt so guilty in my life,” says Anmol. He’s been with his girlfriend for two years but lately he’s found himself fantasising about her best friend.
“I don’t want to mess up my relationship over something like this but I really don't know how to get her friend out of my mind,” says Anmol. “I’m turned on every time I’m around her.”
After years of marriage to a man, Anne discovered she was attracted to women.
Realizing you’re gay later in life can come as a shock especially when you’re married with kids. A Dutch organization tries to help the whole family cope with this new situation.
“I suddenly discovered that I could fall in love with a woman” says Ann. She was very confused about her feelings of attraction, but when a friend said “it's not a big deal, it just means you're a lesbian,” the penny dropped. For Anna it was an ah-hah! moment.
Head over heels in love
Anne was married for 25 years, but never enjoyed being touched by her husband Jan. “We went to therapy because I couldn't stand any sexual contact with him. It almost made me sick. We had to learn how to have sex all over again. We got pamphlets and watched films, but nothing seemed to help.”
“And then, in my second year of therapy, I fell head over heels in love with my therapist. She was a lesbian too, although I didn't know it at the time. I really fell hard for her. My whole body reacted. I felt like a teenager again.”
Being gay just a phase?
Anne’s situation is not that unusual. In the Netherlands (population 16 million) approximately 100,000 people in heterosexual marriages discover they’re homosexual. One of the biggest problems is; what do you do with this information once you’ve figured it out?
“It was a long time before I built up the courage to tell my husband, but I finally did,“ says Anne. At first, he tried to brush it aside. “He said: it's just a phase, it will pass. He wouldn't let me tell anyone, not even our own kids. And then I told him, Jan, I want to stay with you, but as brother and sister. I can't share a bed with you anymore. And that was really tough for him.”
Discovering your own sexuality
That’s when Anne and Jan got in touch with the Orpheus foundation. The organization helps people and their families deal with this new situation. They offer advice on how to break the news to friends and children.
They also help couples explore ways to maintain their relationship. Sometimes people are able to accommodate their partner’s new choices and carry on as a couple. In the case of Jan and Anne, their marriage fell apart and they ended up divorcing.
While it was a difficult and painful process, Anne is glad she had the strength and the support to go through with it. “Leaving my husband was really tough, but also a relief because I could finally be myself. That felt so good - to really be who I am.”
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