Mithila enjoys the freedom of a ‘fling’. But she's worried it might get in the way of her long-term plans to be in a committed relationship.

Flings and one night stands are becoming more common in India. And it’s not just men who are interested in hooking up. Mumbai’s 24-year-old Mithila Shah, is a self-confessed obsessive ‘flinger’.

Commitment phobic
“I’ve been having flings since I began taking an interest in guys. It happened naturally. When I started dating, I was sure I didn’t want to commit to anyone. I was commitment-phobic. Flings seemed like an easier way to go.

“I could have all the fun and not feel caught in a situation. I had the freedom to take off whenever I wanted to. That’s what’s made flings so attractive. Also, the need for sex – sex with no strings attached.”

Rules
“Every time I get into this kind of casual relationships, I lay down the rules in the beginning. For instance, I tell the guy I’m going to meet you only once a week or something like that. I don’t want to come across as being too easy, you know. I don’t want to let them think I’m available any time just for sex.

“I also tell the guys not to call me too often. Because as soon as they start getting clingy, I find them less attractive. I need my space. I’m very clear about that and only if they agree to it, do I go ahead.”

Clingy men
“Men react differently to me being up front about how I feel and what I want from them. I think they love the fact that I'm not demanding a commitment. Of course they're delighted! Sex with no strings attached. And a woman is even asking them for it. It’s paradise for them!

“But once it went quite wrong, despite me making it very clear what I wanted and didn’t want from the guy. He got too involved with me and kind of fell in love with me. It was difficult to shake him off. Since then I've been more conscious of how I deal with such situations.”

The right guy
“It’s not as though I won’t think about something serious if I find the right guy. In all these years, I've been in two relationships. One lasted six months and another nine. And in both of those relationships I was serious.

“So I would like to believe that it’s the shortage of good men in my life that has driven me to flings. I don’t particularly go looking for them. If it comes my way, great! I hope it’s not a character flaw or anything.”

Worried
“I've been worried lately about finding the right guy and settling down. I'm 24 right now and I want to settle down by the time I'm 30. And before that I’d want to spend at least a 3-4 years with the guy knowing him and being with him.

“So, yes, I don’t have much time left. I've been telling myself that these flings are pointless at the end of the day and I need to get serious. They might be fun while they last, but I also need to look ahead!”

By Gayatri Lakshmibai

Photo: Flickr/Lihn Ngan under cc licence

Would you prefer a fling to a long term relationship?