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“I’ve never felt so guilty in my life,” says Anmol. He’s been with his girlfriend for two years but lately he’s found himself fantasising about her best friend.
“I don’t want to mess up my relationship over something like this but I really don't know how to get her friend out of my mind,” says Anmol. “I’m turned on every time I’m around her.”
Some Sundays ago I was brunching with a few Bombay mates when lesbian porn featured in our conversation, and stayed put for a while. Blame it on the early noon drinks, I say.
While the ladies were curious to know what makes lesbian porn so appealing to men, the guys just couldn’t fathom our lack of understanding.
It all began with me saying, “But if they are lesbians, they surely don’t want you. Lesbians don’t fancy men, na?!”
The women agreed with me, but the men were baffled. They said, “You don’t get it,” and nodded in dismay.
“Well then, why don’t you try explaining,” I said.
One of them took on the challenge. “If you look at lesbian porn, the thought of them being purely lesbians is ruled out. They are putting on the show. It’s a performance. It might seem like they are into each other, but actually it’s an invitation for you to join,” he said.
“So, you are made to believe that they are not really lesbians,” I asked naively.
Another (very patient) male friend said, “When I see two hot women in bed, I wouldn’t think they are lesbians. That’s just not the thought that crosses my mind.”
Aha, so it’s the lesbians-are-always-butch stereotype at play over here, consciously or subconsciously. If the women are not butch, they’re probably not lesbians. I can see things with more clarity now – it’s easy for the porn industry to capitalise on this stereotype.
A female friend pointed out, “But women don’t find gay sex appealing. At least I don’t. It might be two very hot men, but there’s something not sexy about it.”
“True,” I thought and began wondering why this was so.
Is gay porn meant purely for gay men and not targeted at straight women? Is it too much of a risk for porn makers to reverse the gay-men-are-pansy stereotype?
Are women not going beyond what’s on the surface – maybe they should follow the ‘they aren’t gay, they are bisexual’ thought process. Or is it pure sexual instinct? Or are there women out there who dig gay porn?
Too many questions. Very few answers.
By Gayatri Parameswaran
Photo: Gayatri Parameswaran, © Love Matters/RNW
Have you got any answers for Gayatri? Why do guys like lesbian porn? And is it true girls don't like gay porn?
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