Q: I’m very jealous of my boyfriend’s best girl friend. I’m not sure if they’re ‘just friends’.

He hugs and kisses her more than he would do me. I've been with him about 10 months now. I love him so much. I always knew he had a lot of female friends. I didn’t think I’d get possessive, but now I am. What should I do? Seerat, Jaipur

Auntyji says... Seerat beta, your predicament is one that many jawaan puttar putri find themselves in. The simplest solution to your problem is conversation. As I always say, if relationship trouble can’t be solved through talking, maybe it’s not even worth solving.

It would be wise to make a difference between confrontation and conversation. You’d be surprised how much you can figure out by just talking to a person, especially when the person is as intimate as boyfriends and girlfriends usually are.

I’m sure you already talk about other problems, Haina? So why not talk about this too?

Talking is important.
Sometimes, problems are caused between happy couples simply because they don’t discuss what they are thinking very openly. It’s important to let your partner know what you are and are not comfortable with instead of just expecting him to figure it out, hai na? Maybe he doesn’t see it as problem at all!

You should sit him down and tell him what bothers you, and ask him if you’re doing something that bothers him too. Doing this regularly will keep your relationship as problem-free as possible.
Has he been behaving differently with you?

In my opinion, betaji, it’s important to look at how he is with you rather than how he is with other people. That’s not to say that he can be unfaithful, but you can get a good idea of whether or not he is being faithful by changes in his behaviour with you.

Huggy-kissey
Think a bit. Does he have less time for you? Is he fumbling when you ask him what he’s been up to? Do you feel a change in his attitude towards you?

Hopefully, it’s just a healthy friendship. And the huggy-kissey were happening before you entered his life, so it will be too much to change his behaviour overnight. Maybe share that you are not very happy with it and am sure he will see your point of view.

Natural
And I am very proud that you already know that you should tread carefully. You think you might be a bit possessive, but the trouble would be if it turns into control. Being possessive in a relationship is a natural thing. Even your boyfriend won’t think of it as too much of a problem.

Your Uncleji actually feels unloved if I don’t inquire about every woman friend he has. He says that my jealousy shows that the flame is still burning. But remember this has to be in the right dosage, even the smallest bit extra might be too much to digest.
Give him the benefit of the doubt, don’t overreact.

Move fast, talk the talk
The best piece of advice that I can give you is to keep a cool head on your shoulders. So put extra ice cubes in your Rooh Afza, and think long and hard. Overreacting in these situations will only make it worse.

This becomes even more important when you’re actually having 'the talk' with him. If you’re being too aggressive, he will start becoming defensive (regardless of whether or not he’s being faithful) and the whole thing will go down the hill sooner than later. So move fast, talk the talk and I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.
 

Photo: Auntyji, thinqkreations