A friend of mine told me that she was guilty of “emotional cheating”.

What does that mean, I asked her. “I’m not cheating in the real sense of the word. There’s no sex involved, but I feel very close to this other guy at an emotional level,” she said. That was a tough situation to be in, I thought. So, what’s she going to do about it?

My friend has been in a relationship since a few years now. “I can’t complain about my relationship. It’s alright. There’s nothing wrong with it I think. But I guess it’s lost that excitement it used to have. We’ve been together for a while now, so the initial high has kind of waned off,” she said.

But she was quick to add that it doesn’t mean the end or anything close to that. “I still really love him a lot. I wouldn’t think of losing him, you know,” she explained.

Chemistry
But lately she has been feeling “close” to this new male colleague at work. “He is the nicest guy I’ve met in a long while. We started chatting and having our breaks together. We really got along well and connected at different levels. We were sharing all our interests – writing, reading, poetry and sport,” my friend said.

“Soon we began talking about personal issues and had deep conversations. It felt like he really understood me very well. And I think I reciprocated that feeling. We became great friends,” she said, adding, “But you know what they say about a guy and girl being just friends? It’s impossible!”

So is there chemistry? Was she attracted to him? “Yeah, there is some chemistry of course. But I don’t find the need to explore it. I think he realises that I am in a relationship and he wouldn’t do anything to ruin it. And that’s exactly why I feel so comfortable around him,” my friend told me.

Guilty
Then, what was all the guilt about? “It’s because of sharing all these intimate thoughts. You know how we’re used to categorising people – colleagues, classmates, yoga mates? And then there are the close friends, best friends and boyfriends. And this guy doesn’t fit any of those categories. He’s a friend on so many different levels,” she explained.

My friend seemed enchanted by this man. Was she sure that this wasn’t going beyond friendship? “Yeah. I have never had sex with the guy or anything close to it. We stay away from each other. But it’s just this emotional dependence. And I’m not used to sharing my life with anyone other than my boyfriend, so I feel like I am cheating,” she sighed.

So what was she going to do? “Well, there’s definitely not going to be a talk with the boyfriend – as I’d imagine you’ll suggest! I think there’s nothing to worry. It’s just a phase and will pass. I believe people come into your lives and leave or stay for specific reasons. It will be the same in this case,” she said definitively.
 

By Gayatri Parameswaran
Photo: Gayatri Parameswaran, © Love Matters/RNW

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