Asexuality: “lack of sexual attraction to others or lack of interest in sex,” according to Wikipedia. Until recently I didn’t believe that a human being could live without sex. 

But a friend of mine convinced me that people can indeed be asexual. “I have never felt an erection or had any sexual desire ever in my life. I’ve tried, trust me, but no luck,” he said.

Discovery
This friend told me that he had been ‘practising’ asexuality for many years. “It all started when I was a teenager. I knew I was different. The boys in school would find it easy to talk about the girls – their breasts, their legs and everything about them, but I just didn’t understand what the big deal was,” he said.

Since my friend never showed interest in these conversations, it comes as no surprise that he was soon labelled as a ‘homo.’ “They would bully me and call me gay. Say that I didn’t like girls because I liked boys. But that wasn’t true either. I spent many sleepless nights trying hard to fantasise about girls and then boys, but none of it worked,” he explained.

Closeted
It took a few years before my friend could settle with the idea that he was just not a sexual person. “It was a very difficult realisation. I knew I was asexual, but I didn’t know how I could be comfortable with that. Everyone around me was sexual and people often judged people by their sexualities,” he said.

My friend still finds it difficult to open up to people about this side of his identity. “Nobody knows about it. A few friends do, but not my family. My parents always dream of me getting married one day to a beautiful girl and that I would have a family of my own. But how can I explain to them that this isn’t my cup of tea?” he asked helplessly.

Finding peace
Over the years, my friend has found ways to deal with his lack of sexual interest. “There are many online forums which have helped me connect to people who are like me. We discuss various things – about how to be comfortable with being asexual, about how to deal with life,” he said.

He’s even found great friends on these forums whom he’s met for coffee and exchanged ideas. “The most annoying thing I find about being asexual is that people treat you as being inhuman if you lack the desire to procreate. Don’t we need to go beyond the idea that humans are meant to just make more humans? There are seven billion of us, for god’s sake, the world needs more like me!” he suggested.

By Gayatri Parameswaran
Photo: Gayatri Parameswaran, © Love Matters/RNW

The views expressed in our blogs don’t necessarily represent those of Love Matters.