“Marriages are made in heaven but tested on Earth,” a friend of mine commented.

She was referring to her own bad marriage. “It’s been downhill since the beginning. Don’t blame me for having an affair,” she said. I played the mute listener as she continued: “My marriage is a failure, but ending it is difficult. So I stay on and look elsewhere for happiness.” 

An arranged marriage
My friend, who is in her mid-30s, got married in an arranged set up. “I was so young when my marriage was fixed up. Twenty-one or something. I thought it was all going to be rosy. My bridegroom would be a handsome prince and I would live the life of a princess,” she reflected.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. When she was 22, she had a baby boy and started feeling that she wasn’t young any more.

“We never got to enjoy our time as a couple. It was too short and before I knew it I had grown fat and unattractive and had a baby on my arm,” she said.

No more sex
My friend complained that a few years into their marriage, their sex life was non-existent. “I had a drive for it, but I got the feeling he wasn’t interested. Like he didn’t find me attractive any more. So I decided to give up in bedroom matters,” she explained.

But that wasn’t her only grievance. She said he showed lack of interest in other issues too.

“He was totally indifferent. He didn’t care how our child did in school, or how my health was. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong, if I was doing anything wrong at all,” my friend wondered.

Looking elsewhere
With these developments in her marriage, my friend met another man whom she fell in love with. “I was confused with my feelings. I began judging and asking myself, how right or wrong it is to be attracted to another man. I didn’t have any clear answers. It wasn’t black and white in my head, so I decided to go with the flow,” she told me.

She's had a boyfriend for a few years now. “I don’t know how my family would react or how I am going to take things ahead. Not many people will understand that I ended up looking elsewhere because I was unhappy in the first place,” my friend tried reasoning.

Divorce, no go
But wasn’t divorce an option? Wouldn’t she want to start afresh and have a good life from scratch? “I am from a very conservative family. I can’t even bring up a divorce in front of my parents and relatives. I might risk being ostracised,” she said.

That was really scary. She was caught between the devil and the deep sea, so to say. “Yes, but I have learned to deal with it. I just look for happiness in day-to-day life and that’s satisfying. If I look at my child’s future and my future and start putting things into perspective, I get dejected and feel lost,” my friend said.

Well, it’s better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all, right?

By Gayatri Parameswaran
Photo: Gayatri Parameswaran, © Love Matters/RNW

The views expressed in our blogs don’t necessarily represent those of Love Matters.

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