Is the number of guests at your wedding reception directly proportional to the longevity of your marriage – or inversely?

Hollywood and Hindi movies alike have taught me that most girls spend their youth planning their grand weddings. While the men are writing scripts on these cheesy events. So are weddings the actual battleground for the proverbial Mars-Venus war?

Yes, my impending nuptials have made me think harder than ever about all things marriage-like.

Are you like this Groom Next Door, who doesn’t really care about who’s coming and what else is happening – as long as it keeps his bride calm? Because apparently men are not supposed to be bothered about the wedding functions. They just have to pay for half of them. But I would take out my empty bank statement and beg to differ.

Groomzillas
Yes, there are many wedding-haters out there. But not just. While Bridezilla might be part of the pop culture lexicon, I don't think Groomzillas are a rarity anymore. I don't really go for clichés anyway, but men hating wedding celebrations – or at least the Hindu interpretations – is definitely not a true one.

It’s just that we men have to pay for the sins of our ancestors. I am expected not to be involved in the nitties and the gritties of my own wedding explosion because my father wasn’t interested in his. But then even my mother wasn’t either. They had a registration in the court and bought samosa and tea for all their friends. Yes, that’s a true story.

Marriage is evolving
But getting back to the point. Who says that men don’t enjoy weddings? Let's examine the marriage decision-making process. While in ordinary families like mine the decision is debated and discussed with up to eleven family members from both sides. But isn’t the final call still the boy’s?

And yes, I have friends who, corrupted by western influences, went down on one knee to propose, completely bypassing family. Since the way most young men view marriage is evolving at a decently fast pace, the way we plan its grand beginning is changing too.

From day one of the wedding preparations, the boys are brushed aside. And that’s distressing. Yes I care about my appearance enough to fret over the exact shade of mauve to avoid. And almost all the men I know do too (the rest don’t know what’s mauve).

Perfect shoes
And it’s not just about being vain. We simply want to look just as good as the bride. After all, her family is paying for my outfit. Dear future wife, who is scouting stores for the most inexpensive, big designer names, obviously doesn’t have the time or the energy to solve my sartorial conundrums. She’s just happy about the 4,000 rupee free perfume she got with her 50,000 rupee lehanga.

Hence the Groomzilla. Who will miss work, fake illnesses and forgo friendship in the quest for perfect shoes. And then throw them away as the socks don’t really go with them. OK, that’s a slight exaggeration, but I’m sure you get the drift.

Chunky diamond
The problem is the missus will not be grateful. She will be mad like the Americans whose jobs have been outsourced to India. But the fact that everyone will compliment her all the running around I did will bring relative calm.

The fringe benefit is the realism men can bring to wedding planning because we haven’t been planning the big day for ever. I have been pushing to buy things that are actually useful and not things that are traditional. That’s means avoiding chunky diamond jewellery and buying iPads instead of kanjeevarams. Crazier measure like cancelling the cross-exchange of money might take time and tide to be mainstreamed. But there’s hope.

Rollercoaster
It’s not easy though. I know size does matter, but do I have to be bothered about the size of the diamond in my ring too? Maybe I don't want a solitaire because it's too big or maybe a 35 point stone is what my mum can afford. And while I’m ranting can I please pose for only the first 144 photographs.

I am only getting engaged this week and have gone through 17 fights, 44 stores and 57 pairs of socks. The rollercoaster has just begun and at least I am still sleeping soundly. Apart from the time when I am wondering whether I should really have thrown those shoes away.

By Kuber Sharma
Photo: Kuber Sharma, © Love Matters/RNW
 
The views expressed in our blogs don’t necessarily represent those of Love Matters.

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