Q: Auntyji, I love my wife very much and find her very attractive, but she doesn’t respond when I try to arouse her.

We’ve been married for just over a year. She uses excuses to put off having sex and when we do, she doesn’t seem to enjoy it, though she’s never said so outright. What can I do to bring her round?
Nitin, Noida

Twelve stories you liked best in 2012!
#2 First published 26/09/2012

Auntyji says… You know betajee, lots of times our intentions are good, but our methods aren’t. Now I am imagining that your votti also loves you a lot but is somehow not able to explain to you what you are doing well.

But I am very glad that at least you are worried about her pleasure. This is the secret of khushaal sex life - you take care of your partner's needs and she returns the favour. Otherwise get inspired by last week’s question on self-pleasure and simply take good care of yourself.

Conversation
But you are a good man who wants to actually make his wife happy. So here's the worst kept secret, which most mard unfortunately don't understand. We women like men who work hard. No don't start doing push-ups – though they will keep you in good shape for the bedroom workout. What I mean is that we want our men to work hard on stimulating us. 

Good conversation helps. So does a sense of humour. But what really matters is your understanding of a woman's body.

Gently but thoroughly
Don't be afraid of the nooks and crannies, rather explore them. Use your hands liberally. Yes, we like our breasts and nipples to be played with, but pay attention to the rest too. Gently but thoroughly try out one curve at a time. Don't rush.

Remember that you are supposed to stimulate, not just squeeze. Unless she asks you too.

Clitoris
Find out on your own where her most sensitive spots are. For clues study her eyes, they'll tell you everything you need to know. And then use your own tongue to do the talking.

The most obvious but mostly missed out erogenous zone is the clitoris – go hunt her down.

While you’re at it, look out for the G-spot too. Now that's a bedroom sport that your wife will definitely enjoy. Yes those are shrieks of pleasure. Dive in deeper.

Communication
Just one final word of advice though. Don't go overboard. If you want to experiment, take it slow and steady. Remember different women react differently to diverse sexual acts. What you guys need is clearer communication and then just follow up on each other's needs.

Go get her, mere sher! And I am sure, she will get you right back.
 

Photo: Auntyji, thinqkreations