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Love and Sex Info
“I’ve never felt so guilty in my life,” says Anmol. He’s been with his girlfriend for two years but lately he’s found himself fantasising about her best friend.
“I don’t want to mess up my relationship over something like this but I really don't know how to get her friend out of my mind,” says Anmol. “I’m turned on every time I’m around her.”
When people talk about the ‘first time’, they usually mean the first time you have full intercourse. And that’s what people mean by ‘losing your virginity’.
But for you a first time might also mean your first kiss, or the first time you masturbate someone or someone masturbates you. Or the first time with your new boyfriend or girlfriend.
Whatever first time it is, it’s something you’ll never forget. It’s exciting and special. That’s why it’s important to make sure it’s a really nice experience.
How can you make sure your first time is a good experience? We've put together:
Ten tips for first time sex!
1. Start when you feel ready.
There is only one person who can decide if you’re ready to have sex for the first time: you. Listen to your own feelings and don’t let yourself be talked into anything.
On average people have intercourse for the first time when they’re 17 years old.
2. Do it with someone you trust.
Do it with someone you feel relaxed with. Take time for each other, say sweet or exciting things to each other. You’ll increase the chance that the first time will feel good to both of you.
3. Choose a nice place
Do it in a place you feel comfortable and where you won’t be disturbed. Make a nice atmosphere, perhaps with music and candles.
4. Build up slowly
You don’t have to do everything straight away. Build up the excitement slowly, so you both get aroused. When a girl get’s sexually aroused, her vagina becomes moist. This is important, because otherwise intercourse would hurt.
For three-quarters of all young people the voyage of sexual discovery goes in this order: first kiss, caressing under clothes, masturbating each other, making love naked, and finally intercourse.
5. Listen to your feelings
Once you’ve started, you might realise that you actually don’t want to do it. Don’t ignore this feeling. You can always stop, whatever the other person says. Do things at your own pace. Be clear. If you say ‘no’ but at the same time keep kissing and caressing, your partner won’t be able to tell what you really want.
6. Pay attention to your partner
You don’t have sex just for yourself. You have sex together. So pay attention to your partner. Is he or she enjoying it? Ask. Is he or she nervous? Try to reassure your partner by saying loving things. Does your partner feel insecure about you seeing him or her naked? Give compliments. Can you tell your partner doesn’t want to go any further? Respect his or her wishes. You can really enjoy making love without having intercourse.
7. Talk to each other
The first time you probably won’t know quite what you should do. Pay attention to the way your partner responds. Does your partner moan? Does he or she guide your hand to a particular place? These are signs that you’re heading in the right direction! But often the signals aren’t so clear. So talk to each other about what you’d like to try or not. Many people find talking about it really arousing too.
8. Use a condom
Always use a condom. That way you not only prevent unwanted pregnancy but also protect against sexually transmitted diseases. The pill only stops the girl from getting pregnant.
Accidents with condoms are nearly always the result of using them wrongly. So read the instructions carefully and use one to practice. Boys can practice on themselves, girls can practice by putting a condom on a banana, for example.
You can read more about using condoms in the section on birth control.
9. Don’t pretend to have an orgasm
There’s no rule to say you have to have an orgasm. Don’t pretend to have an orgasm. It’s not fair to your partner. Anyway, making love without having an orgasm can also be wonderful.
10. It’s OK to laugh
The first time you’ll probably both be a bit nervous. You want everything to be perfect and the first time to be amazing. So you might both be a bit tense and serious. Try to keep the mood light. Humour and sex are a perfectly good mix!
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