Just like the mangoes every summer, relationships come in different shapes, sizes, colours and flavours.

There's a whole spectrum of commitment, and open relationships are becoming more and more acceptable. “I travel quite a lot and stay away from my girlfriend – for months together sometimes. That’s why we are in an open relationship,” a friend of mine said.

What is ‘open’?
I wasn’t very sure what it meant to be in an open relationship. I know a few friends who have been in one and there’s never a clear definition. “Well, I suppose matters of heart are not that easy to define!” my friend told me.

He added that it would all depend on the situation. “I can tell you how it is for me. I need to travel for work and I travel most months in a year. I can’t expect my girlfriend to abstain for all the time I am away and I can’t do the same,” he explained.

Emotional vs. sexual
But my friend was quick to add that their relationship was beyond sex. “We have a strong emotional bond and that’s tough to shake off. So even if we are staying apart, we share a lot of our lives together – online or over the phone,” he said.

They share details from their everyday lives as regularly as possible. “She knows what’s going on in my life and I know what’s happening in hers. And that has helped develop a strong bond between us. I rely on her for emotional support and she does the same,” my friend said.

Honesty
That seemed like a mature approach towards their relationship. But I wondered whether knowing that your partner is not exclusively yours makes it less valuable.

“No, that’s not my approach. We don’t have to lie to each other. We are honest. And that builds trust between us. We both feel safe enough to share our lives with each other – even the details we would otherwise leave out,” my friend told me.

Insecurity
But doesn’t he get jealous when she’s out with someone else, I asked. “Sure, I do. And that’s because I am only human. We are all very possessive about the people we love, and sharing your partner with someone else is really difficult,” he conceded.

So then how and why does he keep going on? “Well because I know that our relationship is beyond just the physical intimacy. I am quite secure about it and I think I wouldn’t have it otherwise. Having this knowledge that we are both not bound to each other just in bed makes it more a comfortable experience,” he explained.

By Gayatri Parameswaran
Photo: Gayatri Parameswaran, © Love Matters/RNW

The views expressed in our blogs don’t necessarily represent those of Love Matters.

 
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