Open up to your partner. Relationships deepen when you let your partner be there for you when you're scared and vulnerable.
Love and Sex Info
When Nakshatra goes out for a coffee with his mother, they’re both on the look-out for cute men. “Do you fancy that guy?” she’ll say.
Things haven’t always been this way. Growing up in a village, he became aware of his feelings aged 16. A year later, after a move to Mumbai, he told his parents he was gay. His mum said she wished he was dead.
Last week a friend of mine suffered major anxiety attacks – she hadn’t got her period.
It was two days due. “I thought I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I were reconsidering our whole lives,” she told me. When the test turned out negative, they heaved a sigh of relief. “We weren’t ready for it. But how could anyone be prepared for something as life changing?” she asked.
More info if you think you could be
The tension began building up when her period was delayed by a couple of days.
“The first day, I thought, okay, I just need to be patient and not panic. But saying that to yourself in that situation doesn’t help at all. I just couldn’t stop thinking about what I would do if I were pregnant,” she said.
My friend told her boyfriend about her doubts and soon they were battling the pregnancy scare together. “We were both really stressed out, but it only helps if you have a supportive partner. When he hugged me and said, ‘It’s all going to be okay either way,’ I felt some calm,” she said.
Though they didn’t speak out then, both began planning ahead in their minds. They started thinking about all the options. “I thought of abortion and I thought of having the child. And thought of everything that would follow in either case,” my friend said.
“If I got an abortion, I didn’t know if our relationship would survive it. And if we had the child, I wondered if it would force us to stay together,” she said. Tough questions, I could totally imagine being equally clueless in a similar situation.
“And that’s not all. You know how it is in India. I started thinking about facing my parents, my relatives, society in general. Started wondering what they would think of me. How I would be labelled. Could I have handled it all?”
My friend waited another day for her period and when it didn’t show up, she couldn’t handle the stress any more. She decided to get a pregnancy test at home. “I was so nervous in the bathroom! My boyfriend was waiting outside, equally nervous. My hands were shaking when I was doing the test,” she explained.
But to their relief, the test turned out negative. “Phew! We gave each other hi-fives! And I said, ‘Look at us! We are definitely not ready for this. We are still young and can’t manage our own lives! Let alone taking care of another little human being!” she said.
A day later my friend got her delayed period. “I have never been so happy about it! It was mega-relieving! We celebrated! But my boyfriend asked me, ‘Will there ever be a time when you’re ready for something like this? I don’t think you can be prepared. It’s just too much to prepare’,” my friend said.
Agreed. Becoming parents is not what you’d call the easiest thing-to-do. But surprisingly, my friend added, “You won’t believe this. I was a bit excited about becoming a mother, despite all the complications involved. I even thought for a moment how the baby would look!”
Oh my, how could I say anything but, ‘How sweet’ to that?!
By Gayatri Parameswaran
Photo: Gayatri Parameswaran, © Love Matters/RNW
The views expressed in our blogs don’t necessarily represent those of Love Matters.
How to get in touch