Q: My wife is not interested in sex anymore, now that we have a baby.

I feel that for her it was like, "OK, I am pregnant...now no more sex". What should I do? Sachin, Bhopal

Auntyji says… Sachin beta, badhaiyan. Well scored. But stop right there for now, century ki zaroorat nahi hai. Now, worry not ji, this is perfectly natural.

It's obvious that your life will never be the same. And I am sure that you are looking forward to a lot of joy, a lot more responsibilities and some changes as well. Especially if the baby is your first one.

I understand your situation. Don't be surprised to find your wife less interested in sex than you are.

Motherhood is almost a full time job. Let her get used to the feeling. There will be times when you might feel neglected or even frustrated. But don’t let her know that. I know you will suddenly feel like that you are not the most important person in her life. Right?

Insecure
So as I say, no need to worry, your wife is feeling just like many, many other women. It's not that she is not interested in you or being with you anymore.

I'll be surprised if your votti is not worried about the repair of an episiotomy or some stitches that she had.

Also, media constantly tells us that even a slightly overweight woman is not sexy, so maybe she's just a bit insecure. Go ahead, make her feel comfortable and good about her body. Tell her how she still rocks your life and you'll be rocking the bed in no time.

Spice
Basically play your cards strategically. Remember her sex drive is not dead, maybe just subdued. The little bundle of joy soaks up her time, energy and emotions.

So maybe try something new to spice up the things. Maybe at times you can be spontaneous, maybe at times ask her what she wants. After my first-born, I too was kind of coy for a few months, but your uncle was quite a player. And I am glad to share his secret with you today.

Snuggle time
Sachin, remember that you have the home team advantage, so use it. You already know what rocks her boat. So push the right buttons and then start the engine. Rev slowly until warmed up. Focus on her needs, entice her and then just wait for your turn. Yes I am advising a little bit of manipulation but it’s for a good cause, so am sure rab will forgive me. In my experience, there is no sex better than gratitude sex.

Most importantly don't rush anything. Try to plan some time alone, even if it's just to cuddle: Having a baby may leave you feeling ‘touched out,’ but some special snuggle time with your wife can help revive that, even before sexual intercourse is allowed or wanted. Sooner the later, she will want ‘it’ too. Lets just reach that time and space mutually.

On slow days, feel free to resort to masturbation. There is nothing bad or unhealthy about it. Perfect way to let out the steam.

Quality not quantity
But getting back to your main concern, remember that bedtime might not always be the right time. Nor will the bedroom always be the right place. Try out different places to have sex!

Remember ultimately it's all about quality not quantity: You don't have to have sex every night, maybe just every week – or whatever suits you, there is no right or wrong. Figure out what timing is right for you.

Take your time. Having sex before you are ready (your mind or your body) can be potentially harmful to your relationship. So don’t think short term, take it slow and easy, and you will indeed reap the benefits.

 
Photo: Auntyji, thinqkreations