Q: My girlfriend won’t have sex with me – would it be wrong to end the relationship?

We’ve been dating for a year, first in high school, now together in Delhi for college. I was excited we’d have more private time together here. But she won’t let me do anything sexually. She says she loves me, but it’s really frustrating. I feel like finishing with her. Would that be wrong? Ajit, Rourkela

Auntyji says... Dear Ajit Puttar now that you're here, let your Auntyji break this down for you. First up you need to ask yourself what is your idea of a relationship is? Do you want to be with someone or be with someone in the bedroom only? I understand your frustration but such things can't be one-sided decisions.

I can totally understand how after a year you want to move to the next level. We all have internal and external pressures. However beta, all of us are very different people. While you're prepared to graduate to the next level, maybe your girlfriend is not thinking like that. Not surprising knowing that you guys haven't even graduated from college yet.

Relationships are all about understanding each other. So you need to find out what is going on in her head. Like my dear departed Mummyji once famously declared, "A boy's needs can be a girl's commitment". Maybe she's on a slightly different tangent and thinks that it’s too early for her.

Girls can take over!
If I were you, I would give her some time. And crucially some space as well. Nothing good ever came out of pressurising somebody into something they're not ready for. You need to introspect and do some serious soul searching at this point in time. If holding her hand and tucking her hair behind her ear makes your day, then you are in love my boy.

And if you're in love, then look at all this time as a long-term investment. It might be a slow and gradual process but believe me Ajit that it will be worth the wait. I might sound very filmy but Sabr ka phal bahut meetha hota hai. Once a girl trusts you completely then she's all yours. You will be shocked to find out how girls can completely take over once they're comfortably placed in a relationship.

Slow and steady
It seems like that you kids are still very young, so why rush things? Slow and steady does it. Yes, in the bedroom too. Getting physically intimate with ones' partner is a really big decision. Maybe it’s been on your mind for some time and you assumed it would happen soon. And she might be completely oblivious to this.

It's just about time and patience and she'll be the one making the moves and you'll be completely taken aback. In my mostly humble opinion, if you love this girl and want this to work out, be patient. And things will automatically fall into place. But, I am sure you know that investing heavily in short-term projects is not very lucrative. So that's the call you need to take as a smart investor.

I suggest think this over and maybe invite her over to discuss these things over Rooh Afza. If she's avoiding the topic, then it's even more important to make her comfortable and then bring it up. Don't rush, don't panic and don't worry. Have faith and good things will happen. Otherwise we'll find you someone else. Rab rakha ji.

Photo: Auntyji, thinqkreations