Love at first sight – something I’ve never had faith in. I’m told it exists. But I haven’t seen proof.

So when a friend of mine told me about how she fell in love with a guy the moment they met, I wanted to know more. “It’s real, trust me,” she said. Though I wasn’t converted into a believer, I did find it intriguing, like all love matters.

Doubts
I have always had doubts about love at first sight. Blame personal life experience. I also haven’t heard any real love-at-first-sight stories from any real people. And I refuse to believe what Hollywood or Bollywood feeds me.

Most first time consensual sex I’ve heard of are 3am drunken, desperate-for-sex hook-ups. I have my reservations categorising them as love.

Sober
But what my friend told me sounded different. “We weren’t drunk. Sober. Not one drop of alcohol. It was a working day and I was on field work,” she said, adding, “And then I met this really good looking, charming guy there. And turns out he lives in my neighbourhood.”

I ask her to cut the details short. “Tell me what makes you think you’re in love,” I push her.

Eyes
“It’s in the eyes. I don’t know. There’s this deep chemistry. I could see a deeper connection, just the way we looked at each other,” she explained.

I still had doubts: “How can you be sure it’s not just physical attraction? You said he was good looking and charming.”

Anxious
“No, no, no. We just met for an hour that day. No sex, nothing. I haven’t seen him in more than 48 hours but I’m constantly thinking of him. I’m thinking of what he might be doing, what he might be thinking, whether he’s thinking of me. I’m super nervous and anxious,” she said.

I suggested she should call him and fix up a meeting, but she said it wasn’t that simple: “What if I’m the one going mad. What if he isn’t in love? I don’t want to seem desperate.”

Stalking
Okay, fair enough. “But tell me what is it about him that’s making you so… well… desperate?”

And she replied, “What can I say? I don’t even know him so well to tell you what I like about him. I have been looking him up on the internet since yesterday to find out more about him.”

“You’re stalking him! You weirdo,” I yelled at her.
“It’s not stalking. It’s just quenching my curiosity. It happens when you’re in love. You want to know more about the person,” she justified.

Ecstasy
I still didn’t understand why she would resort to these methods of finding more about him over meeting him and knowing first hand.

“Love makes you crazy,” she said, “Might have been just few minutes, but it’s mind blowing. It’s like being on ecstasy, except it lasts longer.”

Phew, that sounded like some mental state to be in. I said I was willing to try it out, but she told me squarely, “Don’t get your silly where-there’s-a-will-there’s-a-way logic into this. Doesn’t work that way.”
 

By Gayatri Parameswaran
Photo: Gayatri Parameswaran, © Love Matters/RNW

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